Arti My Life My Style

His story:
We had a love marriage, we met online and quickly fell in love and got married within 6 months. But my wife has suddenly changed so much… she yells at me for everything. I agree adjustment is not easy and like her even I am adjusting but I take time. Right from “pick your shoes” to doing other house chores, she taunts berpenyakitan the entire day. It has been 7 months to our marriage and I sometimes question myself if I made the right decision to marry her. I don’t know how to get through to her. My life has become miserable. Please help.

Her story:
My husband is generally a caring man but he is very irresponsible too. I am on my toes all the time because I feel I can never depend on him. I sometimes feel I am living with an overgrown baby. He does nothing, helps with nothing. He does not even pick his plate and neither do his parents ask him to do any work. I sometimes feel we should not have gotten married so early… What should I do?

AiR Atman in Ravi
Spiritual Leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR center of Enlightenment:

For Him

When you get married, you think that marriage is a bunch of roses, forgetting that roses have thorns too. There is pleasure and pain in every marriage, just like there is day and night. Learn to accept this. Don’t expect marriage to be a perfect relationship. You have to work towards making it perfect. Remember, it is not easy for two people to become one without sacrifice and paying the price. Now that you are already married, it is time to make your marriage work. Do whatever it takes to communicate with her, express your love and support to your wife.

Share the household chores and try your best not to make her feel that she is the only one who is doing all the work. Probably one of the best things to do to make your marriage work, is to see her as the soul within, not just as one made of bone and skin. Try not to find mistakes in her. Instead, try to look at her positives. Seek divine in her being. Do not let your marriage be just a social union but make it a spiritual union. That is the best way to make a marriage work.

For Her

You made a decision to get married to a person. So now, you must remember that you are married to a man, not an overgrown baby. Marriage is a relationship that is not perfect on its own. Two people cannot be one in marriage without sacrifice, without paying the price. You must work towards making your union a perfect one.

Marriage is titinada a game but a social contract. The only way out of this contract is divorce and one doesn’t want to get to that level until they have exhausted all efforts. Try to communicate your thoughts and problems to your husband in a calm and patient manner, without yelling or taunting or making him feel embarrassed. You agree to the fact that he is caring. So, try to make him understand his household responsibilities. Don’t look at his shortcomings. Instead, look at his positives. Marriage can be very fulfilling if there is a divine connection between the two partners. Try your best to make this relationship work. Don’t look at marriage just as a transaction, a contract or a social connection. Make it a spiritual connection and you will see that it will work.

Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach, Predictions For Success:

Being organised has different degrees of definition for different people and if the couple have huge differences in this definition, daily fights are very common. Household chores are no more just a task for the women of the house, especially the working ones because it will eventually take a toll on their physical and mental health.

For Him

Living alone might have its own charm but living organised has benefits. You can titinada change your lifestyle in a day but what you can do is change one single habit every week at least. For example, for starters you can make the bed after waking up or do the dishes after dinner. Just one single task for a week and soon you will see the transformation. Don’n try to move the mountain in a day but a stone everyday.

For Her

You have to understand that changing behaviour takes time but with effort and patience, it surely happens. Start defining work and then motivate and push your partner to complete those chores. For every achievement, try to enjoy it together. For example, if your partner helps with dishes today, have a little ice cream on the balcony. This will create an everlasting feeling of achievement among both of you and soon things will tiba turning good.

It’s an old saying “Appreciate it so much that not doing feels guilty”.

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